Thursday, July 9, 2009

PRARABDHA

In every mans life "the variable factor"plays a very crucial role.Success, failure,desired or undesired outcome all are influenced by this ultimate factor.Remmber the last time u were in a crisis and an unexpected help saved your neck or the last time your favourite sports team won out of the blue. According to Vedanta philosophy it is 'Prarabdha' which governs this variable factor.The story how i encountered this word for the first time is rather interesting. I had just begun my work as a medical officer in Sivananda Charitable Hospital in Rishikesh and I had this pleasant opportunity to meet Sahu ji . A roly poly sanskrit scholar and a Sanyasi of the Ashram who helped in the pathology lab of the hospital.His infectious and pious laughter soon brought me close to him and we would daily sit together and had discussions on "what there is and what there actually should be ?"I had been always the man of science. Dissecting any established principal of faith before accepting was a must with me.On the other hand he a true believer. His roots totally and deeply in vedanta philosophy.But this did not prevent us from being freinds and having intellectual discussions.He encouraged my doubts and beautifully in a very funny way with help of anecdotes and stories from the scriptures answered all my queries.
One fine day my mother ,an obstetrician and a gynaecologist came from her hospital and told me about what happened there at the hospital that day. A mother gave birth to twins.Due to malnourished mother the children were naturally weak and not in very good shape. The parents were advised to go to a critical care unit where children could be taken care of with incubators and other equipments.When after finishing her work my mother went for her daily rounds she found them stll there."Why are u still here?"she asked . "Did i not i already advise you to go to a proper setup other than this ill equipped gvernment hospital." Both the parents kept mum. Soon she could sense a strange chill in the envronment.She rushed to the mothers side and turned up the blanket only to find one child dead and the other just on the verge.Somehow the crisis was resolved and the other baby could be saved.After all this was over my mother called up the parents and asked them why on earth did they not do what was advised to them?why did they not even tell the hospital authorities about their dying infants?The answer the father of the infants gave her shook my insides."We can not afford two children doctor, sooner or later this was going to be their fate." On hearing this I just sat there stunned thinking of that poor helpless mother watching her newly born children taking their last breaths, watching them slowly struggle with life just to be defeated, just to finally take that last deep sigh from their tiny nostrils and give up to an insignificant death wrapped in those red blankets of the government hospital.
Nothing could have pierced my heart more than this.This was that point in my life where i decided i would not let any other mother watch such a sight, atleast in my knowledge.It filled me with such guilt about the life i was living .We all are so protected in our cozy homes, with all the possible luxuries of life at our finger tips and there is a jungle out there still in the real world where people struggle not for success, not for a lifestyle but just for survival.
The next day when i mentioned this incidence to Sahu ji , he talked of a word PRARABDHA.This was the first time I encounterd this word not knowing how deeply i will understand it one day.He explained to me that it was the prarabdha of the 'survivor child' that he could win over death.This event drived me out of my selfish niche and I discussed my intentions with Dr. Sharma ( cheif physician at sivananda)whom i had already seen helping the neeedy patients out of line.Dr Sharma as expected promised me all his co operation in my endevour.My parents (both doctors) also motivated me with my quest.
With these people backing me up I started offering my free medical help to needy children of various ashrams. I discussed my vision with some doctors at the Government hospital and asked them to let me know if I could help.I never asked for financial help from anybody but soon as my friends saw me working with my heart in to the cause ,the help though little,started pouring in .Now whenever there was such a case we all would to contribute from our little pockets and by Gods grace it often did the needed magic.
One fine day i got a call from an unknown number. I heard a lady sobbing on the other side. "Sir she will die.Sir Shivani will not make it.Sir my daughter will not make it today. I had taken great pains to get your number from the hospital.Please dont let my daughter die."At first i was taken aback but then it rung a bell. Shivani was a patient of Dr Sharma at sivananda. She was a cute kid and she was on continuous dose of wysolone. Many a times i also prescribed her medicines if Dr Sharma was not there due to any reason. It took me not long to realise that since Dr Sharma was on a leave the poor childs treatment got neglected and it was obvious that she could have not afforded any other place.I immidiately rushed to her. When i reached there i saw that it was more bad than i expected.She had develop peritonitis which often is fatal in such condition if not immediately taken care of. The poor child was clinging on to her mother like a baby chimpanzee.It was very difficult for me to even separate her from her mother in order to examine her cos shivani would not let go of her mother.Sivananda hospital provides only free primary care. So after managing her condition there myself,I rushed her to the government hospital where i got her admitted.Since I was freshly out of medical school and my pockets still shallow I could not afford a specialised medicare for her but with all i had and with a little help from my Gymn mates I made it sure that i could afford atleast the life saving drugs. But definitive treatment ?? That was going to be a major problem.
Since morning I was getting continuous calls from Ananda spa ( a luxurious destination spa on the slopes of himalayas) where I am the Emergency Medical Officer and I had been ignoring them all.When Shivani was somewhat stabilised and after explaining everything to the doctor on duty who assured me his full attention I realised the gravity of the situation up there at Anandas by the no. of missed calls by doctors over there on my cell phone.I jumped in to my car and stepped on the gas praying that everything up there was ok and i might not have to face a sick and furious patient.
After 30 minutes of driving like hell i reached Ananda. I called up the H.R. Head who told me that the guest is not in very good shape.I parked my car and literally ran towards the room I was told.I opened the doors with my fingers crossed not knowing how would I explain all this to an already sick and suffering person.When I entered the room I found this lady wearing a white bathrobe barely being able to sit with the support of the bed.The strangest part was despite her obviously sick condition she managed a genuine smile. That comforted my guilty heart .I tried to apologise but she brushed away any explainations and told me that it was all ok.When the doctor there told me about her fever with chills and rigors i wondered even more on how someone with such a suffering can stay so calm and polite.Afterall it was a clearcut lapse from my side as a doctor that she had to go through all this. I started her treatment and as she started feeling better her pleasant nature turned even more jovial.As the colour returned to her cheeks so did her excellent and heartwarming communication. While she was on intravenous antibiotics and fluids we discussed everything from Arvind Adiga's "White Tiger" to Arnold Schwartznegger basically being an Austrian.(It was only later that i did realize that she belonged to the City of Motzart).Anyways after staying with her for a while and making sure that she would be fine i begged her leave and rushed to see Shivani again.
Shivani's condition was still not out of danger but i was more worried of her definative treatment.I spent my next day in this same turmoil but no effective solution seemed to appear. Next morning when I was about to leave for the hospital i got a call from Ananda.The Doctor there told me that the same guest i met wanted to talk to me about something."Hello doctor how are you" it was the same heartwarming voice of the lady I saw a day before. "I am fine thank you and urself?" I inquired. " I am perfect doctor thank you" then after a little pause and the lovely voice spoke again" Doctor i was wondering whether i could offer some help to the sick kid that u were mentioning the other day". The first word that struck my mind was PRARABDHA and those words of Sahu ji that "everybody comes to this earth with his own prarabdha and it is which decides his fate here in this world".Shivani`s prarabdha had echoed in the heart of this wonderfull woman from Austria. I marvelled in my mind how prarabdha can bring a woman from seven seas over and a poor child in Rishikesh together. I explained her what i thought was needed and how much would it take to get there.The blue eyed lady told me that she was leaving money at ananda for me to collect for this cause.I wondered how someone could have such a blind faith on anybody and even wondered if it was not a dream.With her help it was possible to get done whatever necessary was needed and even better to get the child admitted under specialised care and setup and get a treatment plan from there.I insisted her to come down to the hospital and pass on her blessings and help personally to the kid. In a childish way I felt that since it is too much of a co incidence i must orchestrate this meet and wait for something magical to happen.
She was soon there with a chouffre from Ananda.I met her on the ground floor."we will have to climb a few floors, can u do that?"i asked her. "I can climb a mountain dear doctor" she replied. We laughed and climbed our way towards shivani`s ward.When we entered the room both the parents of the child were there.Little Shivani was lying over the bed all swollen up.After introducing her to the parents i stepped back to observe, to observe this phenomenon which makes lives of people cross with rarest probability of it being even there. The word PRARABDHA was echoing at the back of my head throughout.When it was time to leave, the blue eyed lady from Austria held hands with poor little shivani who was lying in a semi concious state. She prayed with her eyes closed.I could see a tear at the corner of her eyes.Who could say that she was not her mother.She had to leave soon as she had a flight to catch.As she stepped in to her car and waved goodbye i knew that i met a patient but parted with a very close friend.After this a series of e mails kept us connected and one day she suggested if we could do anything for other shivanis there like her. That day i realised that maybe it is my prarabdha to serve such souls and the prarabdha of lot other helpless children to come to this single ray of hope, this institution, which I and the wonderfull blue eyed woman gave birth to and called it PRARABDHA.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A GOD OF REASON - PART 1

A GOD OF REASON
I have often felt that we have always confused god with religion. Religion is the path that leads to God. Do u think we all understand this statement ? Of course we think we do . But it is very deep to be just be a statement.The meaning it implies can and has created kingdoms and brought them down to .Don't you believe me .Let me explain ....
The statement that "Religion is the path to God" clearly defines the Religion merely as a path and God as the goal. Have you ever thought about it ? Have u ever thought about it sincerely ? What would you prefer .... to be a man of truest faith in ur religion? or a man of God ? What is your aim ....Religion or God? I know it is not that a simple question. If it was , there would have not been all this bloodshed on the name of Religion and God. Here first and foremost I want to stress over the fact that I BELIEVE FIRMLY IN GOD. This faith was not inoculated to me by my parents,society or peers. This faith was earned . How ?? Well that is what i am going to share with you but before that I would want you to think a little . Ponder over some facts . First of all the biggest question is..... What do u think of god ? I know it is an awkward question . Cos u have been almost never asked your opinion about god. Have you?? No you were never asked but only TOLD. You were always told about God, his omnipotence , his omniprescence and almightyness and what did u do??? ...accept it on its face value . So much you were told not to question this most important question , that you always believed it on its face value. You have formulated you belief on borrowed knowledge . So much so that you probably might be thinking of me as an aethist. Well i can not blame you . For a few years i also thought that i was one . Untill i realised .......
" When i was a kid i was scared of things like ghosts,witches and demons .My mother seeing all this introduced me to Lord Hanuman -the most powerfull of all the hindu gods "bhoot pishaach nikat nahin awey , mahabir jab naam sunawey". So at time when other kids hardly uttered Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, I was rhyming whole of the Hanumaan Chalisa, which is by heart to me till date .The best thing that happened was... it helped .Now that I was under care and cover of my Lord Hanumaan i was afraid no more . I knew my lord was more powerfull than those evil forces so i was scared no more .But as soon i entered the adolescence i could not escape the "ORIGINAL SIN"...the sin of the fruit of knowledge . I started questioning my faith . Whenever i asked an elder, i was told that even questioning ur faith would take you away from God . But i was not convinced . If god wanted me not to question things why did he provide me with this gift of 'thought process'. I felt my God wanted me to think and find out fr myself . Wouldnt my faith get stronger if i question it and see logic in it rather than not questioning at all? So for these few years of my early adolescence i had a tormented soul ....haunted by these questions .The time when a guy is preoccupied with opposite sex and pimples, I had an additional burden of these questions.I looked everywhere fr my answers , in books , holy scriptures , in talks of the wise and the religious.Nobody convinced me. They rebuked me rather ."kutark karta hai balak". this was what i was told by a 5 star swami who was travellin in an AC bus with me . Almost everybody responded in the same way .
But one fine day I understood. I understood why I should belive and why I just not have to imagine god but belive in him . This was not because of some big gyan or satsang but from a li'll story printed in a local school magazine. It was story of a man who had this similar problem like mine " in not being able to believe in presence of God" .One day he meets a holy man and he asks him th every same question . "where is god"? "please prove to me that god exists" .So this holy man replies "ok i will answer you that but first answer me one simple question? Where in your body are you ? The man points to his heart and says here ..."Well that is where your heart is, and a few days back i read in papers that a pigs heart was transplanted in to a human. so is he less human now ?"....and like this the man pointed to his various organs and the holy man kept on saying that if he lost that part in accident where would he be ...in that part or rest of the body? So finally the man gets frustrated and replies "Well i am here somewhere and everywhere in my body but i can not tell you where. "Ah!!! my son" the holy man replied," you are very sure you exist but not where .Similar is the thing with God . U can sometimes even feel him but he is not a form you can place".
Such a simple explaination for such a complex problem . So now I had a reason to believe cos at times i had felt God ....but now I could place his existence in a way. I believe god is the positive form of life . feelings are GOD.love, brotherhood, care, concern these are all forms of god...while on the other spectrum are malice,jealousy,evil etc which forms the Absolute Zero ...the Satan. So somewhere between lie us ,the humans . The better persons we are ,closer are we to god. god is not a single form that is controlling everything.god is the soul of the world.A pat on the shoulder , a warm handshake and even a simple smile can be our little step towards him.