PRARABDHA

In every mans life "the variable factor"plays a very crucial role.Success, failure,desired or undesired outcome all are influenced by this ultimate factor.Remmber the last time u were in a crisis and an unexpected help saved your neck or the last time your favourite sports team won out of the blue. According to Vedanta philosophy it is 'Prarabdha' which governs this variable factor.The story how i encountered this word for the first time is rather interesting. I had just begun my work as a medical officer in Sivananda Charitable Hospital in Rishikesh and I had this pleasant opportunity to meet Sahu ji . A roly poly sanskrit scholar and a Sanyasi of the Ashram who helped in the pathology lab of the hospital.His infectious and pious laughter soon brought me close to him and we would daily sit together and had discussions on "what there is and what there actually should be ?"I had been always the man of science. Dissecting any established principal of faith before accepting was a must with me.On the other hand he a true believer. His roots totally and deeply in vedanta philosophy.But this did not prevent us from being freinds and having intellectual discussions.He encouraged my doubts and beautifully in a very funny way with help of anecdotes and stories from the scriptures answered all my queries.

One fine day my mother ,an obstetrician and a gynaecologist came from her hospital and told me about what happened there at the hospital that day. A mother gave birth to twins.Due to malnourished mother the children were naturally weak and not in very good shape. The parents were advised to go to a critical care unit where children could be taken care of with incubators and other equipments.When after finishing her work my mother went for her daily rounds she found them stll there."Why are u still here?"she asked . "Did i not i already advise you to go to a proper setup other than this ill equipped gvernment hospital." Both the parents kept mum. Soon she could sense a strange chill in the envronment.She rushed to the mothers side and turned up the blanket only to find one child dead and the other just on the verge.Somehow the crisis was resolved and the other baby could be saved.After all this was over my mother called up the parents and asked them why on earth did they not do what was advised to them?why did they not even tell the hospital authorities about their dying infants?The answer the father of the infants gave her shook my insides."We can not afford two children doctor, sooner or later this was going to be their fate." On hearing this I just sat there stunned thinking of that poor helpless mother watching her newly born children taking their last breaths, watching them slowly struggle with life just to be defeated, just to finally take that last deep sigh from their tiny nostrils and give up to an insignificant death wrapped in those red blankets of the government hospital.

Nothing could have pierced my heart more than this.This was that point in my life where i decided i would not let any other mother watch such a sight, atleast in my knowledge.It filled me with such guilt about the life i was living .We all are so protected in our cozy homes, with all the possible luxuries of life at our finger tips and there is a jungle out there still in the real world where people struggle not for success, not for a lifestyle but just for survival.

The next day when i mentioned this incidence to Sahu ji , he talked of a word PRARABDHA.This was the first time I encounterd this word not knowing how deeply i will understand it one day.He explained to me that it was the prarabdha of the 'survivor child' that he could win over death.This event drived me out of my selfish niche and I discussed my intentions with Dr. Sharma ( cheif physician at sivananda)whom i had already seen helping the neeedy patients out of line.Dr Sharma as expected promised me all his co operation in my endevour.My parents (both doctors) also motivated me with my quest.

With these people backing me up I started offering my free medical help to needy children of various ashrams. I discussed my vision with some doctors at the Government hospital and asked them to let me know if I could help.I never asked for financial help from anybody but soon as my friends saw me working with my heart in to the cause ,the help though little,started pouring in .Now whenever there was such a case we all would to contribute from our little pockets and by Gods grace it often did the needed magic.

One fine day i got a call from an unknown number. I heard a lady sobbing on the other side. "Sir she will die.Sir Shivani will not make it.Sir my daughter will not make it today. I had taken great pains to get your number from the hospital.Please dont let my daughter die."At first i was taken aback but then it rung a bell. Shivani was a patient of Dr Sharma at sivananda. She was a cute kid and she was on continuous dose of wysolone. Many a times i also prescribed her medicines if Dr Sharma was not there due to any reason. It took me not long to realise that since Dr Sharma was on a leave the poor childs treatment got neglected and it was obvious that she could have not afforded any other place.I immidiately rushed to her. When i reached there i saw that it was more bad than i expected.She had develop peritonitis which often is fatal in such condition if not immediately taken care of. The poor child was clinging on to her mother like a baby chimpanzee.It was very difficult for me to even separate her from her mother in order to examine her cos shivani would not let go of her mother.Sivananda hospital provides only free primary care. So after managing her condition there myself,I rushed her to the government hospital where i got her admitted.Since I was freshly out of medical school and my pockets still shallow I could not afford a specialised medicare for her but with all i had and with a little help from my Gymn mates I made it sure that i could afford atleast the life saving drugs. But definitive treatment ?? That was going to be a major problem.

Since morning I was getting continuous calls from Ananda spa ( a luxurious destination spa on the slopes of himalayas) where I am the Emergency Medical Officer and I had been ignoring them all.When Shivani was somewhat stabilised and after explaining everything to the doctor on duty who assured me his full attention I realised the gravity of the situation up there at Anandas by the no. of missed calls by doctors over there on my cell phone.I jumped in to my car and stepped on the gas praying that everything up there was ok and i might not have to face a sick and furious patient.

After 30 minutes of driving like hell i reached Ananda. I called up the H.R. Head who told me that the guest is not in very good shape.I parked my car and literally ran towards the room I was told.I opened the doors with my fingers crossed not knowing how would I explain all this to an already sick and suffering person.When I entered the room I found this lady wearing a white bathrobe barely being able to sit with the support of the bed.The strangest part was despite her obviously sick condition she managed a genuine smile. That comforted my guilty heart .I tried to apologise but she brushed away any explainations and told me that it was all ok.When the doctor there told me about her fever with chills and rigors i wondered even more on how someone with such a suffering can stay so calm and polite.Afterall it was a clearcut lapse from my side as a doctor that she had to go through all this. I started her treatment and as she started feeling better her pleasant nature turned even more jovial.As the colour returned to her cheeks so did her excellent and heartwarming communication. While she was on intravenous antibiotics and fluids we discussed everything from Arvind Adiga's "White Tiger" to Arnold Schwartznegger basically being an Austrian.(It was only later that i did realize that she belonged to the City of Motzart).Anyways after staying with her for a while and making sure that she would be fine i begged her leave and rushed to see Shivani again.

Shivani's condition was still not out of danger but i was more worried of her definative treatment.I spent my next day in this same turmoil but no effective solution seemed to appear. Next morning when I was about to leave for the hospital i got a call from Ananda.The Doctor there told me that the same guest i met wanted to talk to me about something."Hello doctor how are you" it was the same heartwarming voice of the lady I saw a day before. "I am fine thank you and urself?" I inquired. " I am perfect doctor thank you" then after a little pause and the lovely voice spoke again" Doctor i was wondering whether i could offer some help to the sick kid that u were mentioning the other day". The first word that struck my mind was PRARABDHA and those words of Sahu ji that "everybody comes to this earth with his own prarabdha and it is which decides his fate here in this world".Shivani`s prarabdha had echoed in the heart of this wonderfull woman from Austria. I marvelled in my mind how prarabdha can bring a woman from seven seas over and a poor child in Rishikesh together. I explained her what i thought was needed and how much would it take to get there.The blue eyed lady told me that she was leaving money at ananda for me to collect for this cause.I wondered how someone could have such a blind faith on anybody and even wondered if it was not a dream.With her help it was possible to get done whatever necessary was needed and even better to get the child admitted under specialised care and setup and get a treatment plan from there.I insisted her to come down to the hospital and pass on her blessings and help personally to the kid. In a childish way I felt that since it is too much of a co incidence i must orchestrate this meet and wait for something magical to happen.

She was soon there with a chouffre from Ananda.I met her on the ground floor."we will have to climb a few floors, can u do that?"i asked her. "I can climb a mountain dear doctor" she replied. We laughed and climbed our way towards shivani`s ward.When we entered the room both the parents of the child were there.Little Shivani was lying over the bed all swollen up.After introducing her to the parents i stepped back to observe, to observe this phenomenon which makes lives of people cross with rarest probability of it being even there. The word PRARABDHA was echoing at the back of my head throughout.When it was time to leave, the blue eyed lady from Austria held hands with poor little shivani who was lying in a semi concious state. She prayed with her eyes closed.I could see a tear at the corner of her eyes.Who could say that she was not her mother.She had to leave soon as she had a flight to catch.As she stepped in to her car and waved goodbye i knew that i met a patient but parted with a very close friend.After this a series of e mails kept us connected and one day she suggested if we could do anything for other shivanis there like her. That day i realised that maybe it is my prarabdha to serve such souls and the prarabdha of lot other helpless children to come to this single ray of hope, this institution, which I and the wonderfull blue eyed woman gave birth to and called it PRARABDHA.

A GOD OF REASON - PART 1

A GOD OF REASON
I have often felt that we have always confused god with religion. Religion is the path that leads to God. Do u think we all understand this statement ? Of course we think we do . But it is very deep to be just be a statement.The meaning it implies can and has created kingdoms and brought them down to .Don't you believe me .Let me explain ....
The statement that "Religion is the path to God" clearly defines the Religion merely as a path and God as the goal. Have you ever thought about it ? Have u ever thought about it sincerely ? What would you prefer .... to be a man of truest faith in ur religion? or a man of God ? What is your aim ....Religion or God? I know it is not that a simple question. If it was , there would have not been all this bloodshed on the name of Religion and God. Here first and foremost I want to stress over the fact that I BELIEVE FIRMLY IN GOD. This faith was not inoculated to me by my parents,society or peers. This faith was earned . How ?? Well that is what i am going to share with you but before that I would want you to think a little . Ponder over some facts . First of all the biggest question is..... What do u think of god ? I know it is an awkward question . Cos u have been almost never asked your opinion about god. Have you?? No you were never asked but only TOLD. You were always told about God, his omnipotence , his omniprescence and almightyness and what did u do??? ...accept it on its face value . So much you were told not to question this most important question , that you always believed it on its face value. You have formulated you belief on borrowed knowledge . So much so that you probably might be thinking of me as an aethist. Well i can not blame you . For a few years i also thought that i was one . Untill i realised .......
" When i was a kid i was scared of things like ghosts,witches and demons .My mother seeing all this introduced me to Lord Hanuman -the most powerfull of all the hindu gods "bhoot pishaach nikat nahin awey , mahabir jab naam sunawey". So at time when other kids hardly uttered Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, I was rhyming whole of the Hanumaan Chalisa, which is by heart to me till date .The best thing that happened was... it helped .Now that I was under care and cover of my Lord Hanumaan i was afraid no more . I knew my lord was more powerfull than those evil forces so i was scared no more .But as soon i entered the adolescence i could not escape the "ORIGINAL SIN"...the sin of the fruit of knowledge . I started questioning my faith . Whenever i asked an elder, i was told that even questioning ur faith would take you away from God . But i was not convinced . If god wanted me not to question things why did he provide me with this gift of 'thought process'. I felt my God wanted me to think and find out fr myself . Wouldnt my faith get stronger if i question it and see logic in it rather than not questioning at all? So for these few years of my early adolescence i had a tormented soul ....haunted by these questions .The time when a guy is preoccupied with opposite sex and pimples, I had an additional burden of these questions.I looked everywhere fr my answers , in books , holy scriptures , in talks of the wise and the religious.Nobody convinced me. They rebuked me rather ."kutark karta hai balak". this was what i was told by a 5 star swami who was travellin in an AC bus with me . Almost everybody responded in the same way .
But one fine day I understood. I understood why I should belive and why I just not have to imagine god but belive in him . This was not because of some big gyan or satsang but from a li'll story printed in a local school magazine. It was story of a man who had this similar problem like mine " in not being able to believe in presence of God" .One day he meets a holy man and he asks him th every same question . "where is god"? "please prove to me that god exists" .So this holy man replies "ok i will answer you that but first answer me one simple question? Where in your body are you ? The man points to his heart and says here ..."Well that is where your heart is, and a few days back i read in papers that a pigs heart was transplanted in to a human. so is he less human now ?"....and like this the man pointed to his various organs and the holy man kept on saying that if he lost that part in accident where would he be ...in that part or rest of the body? So finally the man gets frustrated and replies "Well i am here somewhere and everywhere in my body but i can not tell you where. "Ah!!! my son" the holy man replied," you are very sure you exist but not where .Similar is the thing with God . U can sometimes even feel him but he is not a form you can place".
Such a simple explaination for such a complex problem . So now I had a reason to believe cos at times i had felt God ....but now I could place his existence in a way. I believe god is the positive form of life . feelings are GOD.love, brotherhood, care, concern these are all forms of god...while on the other spectrum are malice,jealousy,evil etc which forms the Absolute Zero ...the Satan. So somewhere between lie us ,the humans . The better persons we are ,closer are we to god. god is not a single form that is controlling everything.god is the soul of the world.A pat on the shoulder , a warm handshake and even a simple smile can be our little step towards him.

My quest for AMBROSIA - the food of Gods.

Cooking is one of those almost hypnotic businesses, like a dance from some ancient ceremony. It leaves you filled with one of the world's sweetest smells... there is no chiropractic treatment, no Yoga exercise, no hour of meditation in a music-throbbing chapel, that will leave you emptier of bad thoughts than this homely ceremony of making food.it is almost like a musician making his masterpiece. you have to linger at every step, guide urself by aroma ,the sight and instincts ....the whole process is as rewarding as the feasting on the outcome.
When i was a child i was one of those who had least interest in food. I thought of it as a waste of time . Eating was like a job to me ;I mean a cumbersome job of thrusting things in to the mouth untill the belly is full . This act was not voluntary always .My mother frequently reminds me of how our 'domestic help' use to chase me around the house with the platter of food in his hand. I remember some of it though.I remember best at it was Inder bhaiya. A lad with chink looks.He had a way of his own . He used to fascinate me with this fictiouc charecter Chweedbarh (whom he created out of thin air ).This charecter according to him was more powerfull than 'Bhima', and I had to beleive him because Chweedbarh was from his native village and Inder bhaiya's daddy was freinds wth him . So captivating me with tales of chweedbarh - who used to eat from katories of the size of wedding karahis, he would slyly empty the whole plate down my throat without me even noticing it . The spell used to break when with the last bite of the food he would abruptlly end his story . I used to feel so cheated but that did not prevent me from falling fr his another con at another meal.
The first time i remember that i relished food was at my Bua`s place.She had pprepared chicken. I hated chicken but when I saw my cousins so eager fr it ,I somehow thought "it oughta be good", and yes i relished food for the first time .The next time I remember was a party at Brigadier Ganguly`s place. As a snack there were these little barbecued pieces of Goat liver , each with a chopstick in them.I remember asking the orderly for them again and again , so much so that it embarassed my parents.My mother had to strictly instruct me later after coming home , that if i did the very same thing again , I would not be taken to any party anymore.

The credit of my introduction to food as a creator goes to my long lost freind Brijesh.He told me the reciepe of 'Mushroom Curry' with such a twinkle in his eyes that I decided to give it a shot . I had tried my hand before at cooking but it was basically , omlettes or pizzas. this was going to be the first real food i wud make. So with all that i could remember and with a little help from him on the phone i managed through the process.... and VIOLA !!! nobody at my place could believe that i actually did it . So it kinda got me started.
When i joined St Mary`s in 11th standard, i rented a flat there in Meerut. Since i was actually living all alone for the first time ( i mean not a hostel -but a flat of my own) I furnished it as if I had to live there fr ever. I had this almost complete kitchen where i would experiment with different kinds of food each day . And since it was only me wo had to bear up with the diasasters of my experiment gone wrong , I seldome feared before trying new things.That small kitchen hoaned my skills and soon i could understand the spices and magic they could create if added in right proportions.How long does it take to get food cooked , or if it would taste better if left a little raw?, How does a high or a low flame affect the taste ?Which type of oil goes with which kind of dish ?, It all etched in to my brain as if it was there since ever. Slowly my confidence as a cook grew and i started inviting freinds over and i knew i was good at it when their mommies used to call me up for reciepes.
Soon i had a reputation . my freinds would not celebrate their birtday parties at expensive restraunts anymore . My flat was the new hub. They would request me and after a little flattery I would agree in a non chalant way, though all these while my mind wud be totally occupied with the joy it would give me trying my hands at all those which i had been planning in my head fr weeks.It was kinda difficult for me to sleep the night before .
Next day i would get up early in the morning and after taking a long relaxing bath i would dress in to a light white t shirt , wrap the apron around my waist , put on some nice music on my Kenwood system and call the Birthday Boy for assisting me. Ah!! the whole day was paradise for me . I felt like a Musical Maestro performing his symphony. My hands use to run with the music. I would hardly think of any other thing. Guiding my instincts with aroma of the herbs and spices while making indian food and my sight and taste while working on continental food.I used to prepare a full three course meal , right from starters till dessert , and could hardly wait for the praises to be showered in the evening , which were always plenty. Maybe others did that to confirm me for their parties but i did not care. i knew that i was good by the look at their faces.

Cooking along with several other things had become a passion with me now. I would not have a meal that I did not add a personal touch to . I would search for new new places to eat at so that I might discover a new flavour and decode it in my brain and reproduce it later.While my stay in lucknow as a medical student i got a lot of chance to explore the 'Awadhi Cuisine'. Since it was such a hectic schedule all week with studies , patients and stuff that every saturday i used to wud unwind by searching little food joints who were famous by reputation . I avoided going to big expensive restraunts cause their food tasted bland to me .Every place has its trademark regional cuisine and you can never experience it at a pompous restruant. True flavour dwells in little corners ,this i understood well.
I must tell u my quest was not that easy. Though i could decode most of the reciepes myself but I must tell u that for that special flavour there is always one secret ingredient which cooks are not eager to divulge.
I would always try to take a seat at the place from where i could observe them cooking.This is fairly easy at small joints cos they kinda practically cook infront of you. Sometimes it was easy to get that secret ingredient just merely by asking politely what made their food so special. I tried that at AL ZAIQA and Gaurav`s in lucknow for their famous chicken avadhi, and chilly cheese respectively. They did not have much reservations in telling me that they used opium seeds rather than onion paste and multiple coatings of cornflour n soya sauce in their respective dishes. But the toughest nut to crack was TUNDEY KABABI. Here i must tell u tundey kababi is probably the worlds most famous kababi and almost a trademark of lucknow cuisine. If u visit his place in lucknow u will see his photographs with people like Dilip kumar , Shahrukh khan ,Cheif ministers and Sheikh`s from Gulf.There is one thing i liked about him is that despite of his tremendous sale he has maintained the same 'in reach of common man' prices.
He would not simply as much as even hint me on the reciepe leave apart discussing anything. After weeks of frequenting tundey`s and complementing him personally each time and even pointing out how this time it was minutely different from the last time, he developed a certain respect fr me as a fellow foodie. One evening he in his proud monologue divulged his secret to me ,unaware of the ctastrophy. I could not suppress my excitement .Tundey used to mince pappaya with fresh red mutton and used to leave them overnight. The enzyme in pappaya used to semidigest the protein so the need to boil or cook it was done away with .In his self boasterous speech he slipped the exact amount and the ingredient which he added to it .After three unsuccessfull attempts one fine day i reproduced the exact taste of the Great Tundey Kababi.
Till now i could cook yes but i had no style. I mean when this time i was watching this movie MUNICH, i envied the male lead who could dice and slice with his chef knife with astounding skill and pace.But it was destiny that after a month or so i left for Delhi and met Sameer Chaudhary (chintu bhaiya-as we lovingly called him).
Chintu Bhaiya was a cousin of my best pals . I had met him earlier also but never did spend time enough with him to know him . We rented a flat together in Amar colony Lajpat nagar, where he still lives till date.He was a graduate from PUSA -Goa with his Masters in Hotel management. Was supervising North Zone of Reliance Retail.He was a foodie himself. so when we two met we made a great team . Though we had employed a maid for our cooking but dinner- that was our turf. He would come back from his office dead tired and after a nap of about half an hour or so . We would decide on some entirely new dish and go for it.Trust me when i say that ,even if it was a simple PULAO we decided to make , so much effort and brain was put in to it that it wud taste better than a steak at a 5 star ( 5 stars seldome taste good though).
He would show me his fancy skills of chopping , basting etc. and i like a sponge absorbed every detail . Since i had so many freinds i used to make it a point to invite them over for dinner and amaze them with these skills. We had an excellent collection of crockery and kitchenware which u would seldome find at a bachelors place. I even managed sizzlers infront of our guests right on the dining table.Now i could cut and chop (exactly like that Munich guy) to the amazement of my guests .
These days at home my mother tells me that sons usually fancy what their mother will cook fr them but it is the opposite here. I could but just smile and dream what next treasure would i discover while travelling to a virgin land.........on my next quest for Ambrosia.....

Madhur Uniyal

Yesterday i walked down the memmory lane...

"Bhaiya you did not come"Boogie started sobbing on the other side of the phone . His two fast inspirations followed by one loud expiratory sob pierced right through my heart ."Don`t worry freind i will surely reach there by tomorrow evening"."Hmm hmm hmmmm" now the sobs were mollifying in to jerky humms which were telling that Boogie believed what i said.I had promised Boogie that I would come to him to Dehradun as soon as i was back from my trip but i got a day late.Well not keeping a promise was one of the things which G.G.B.M.club despised greatly.
Well let me specify that Boogie is my 8 year old cousin who also happens to be one of my best freinds.Freinds ?? Yeah ryt freinds , I seriously consider him more of a freind than my lill cousin .Why should i not? I love spending time with him and most of his favourite hobbies ae mine too. Just last month we officially named our club."G.G.B.M. club". Here last two letters B and M stand for Boogie and Madhur respectively. G and G are Goku and Gohan ....the father and son duo from cartoon series 'Dragonballz'. I was not in favour of their admission in to our club but Boogie convinced me that with superpowers they possess ,someday in time of need they might come handy.We took the oath over a Dragonballz Tazzo (which came as a complimentary gift in a chips packet) .After the oath of secrecy and faithfullness the tazzo was burried in the backyard of my house and thus G.G.B.M. Club was born.I cant tell u about our secret slogan cos that is a secret which i have promised to take to my grave. Members of our club do not fail the promises, so i had to leave the next evening.
Next evevning when Dad noticed me copying some cartoons which i had stored on his laptop "What happened to your laptop he asked"? "well i had stored some things fr boogie on urs , as i have to go to Doon fr some important wrk i thought i might take them as well".i sheepishly replied (How on earth was I supposed to make him understand GGBM and its emergency call). So with just my laptop bag with a pair of extra shorts and a T shirt i hit my car and stepped the accelerator towards Doon .
The Rishikesh- Doon road stretch had been my fav since i was a kid . I love driving on this road . The 45 minutes journey never seemed more than a few minutes to me.This is one stretch on which i like to put some nice serene music in the car instead of adrenaline spitting rock. On reaching Dharampur chowk I called up Parth and told him that i was in town and he better get ready cos we were having dinner outside. I picked up Parth from his place and then we straightaway went to Boogie`s place. U shudve seen that ear to ear smile on Boogies face when he saw his fellow gangmember - me. Kicking him in the butt I told him to put on some clothes .With in a minute he was draped in his trademark three quarters and striped t shirt. After jumping in the car it was decided that we first raid a momo stall and then have some nice dinner at a restaurant and after that some ice cream or dessert at any latenight icecream parlour. After a drive of fifteen minutes we saw this mommo wallah which Parth had already praised a lot . He did not have much place to sit though . Two sardaars were occupying the only bench and by the look u cud tell that they were nt leaving any time near fr sure. So we took our plates inside the car instead. The momos were a lill undercooked but the soup was awesome. After finsihing our appetizer we hit a restaurant at Rajpur road . And then came my favourite part. handling the menu card to boogie. If u have seen booogie you can tell by his cute fat cheeks that how big a foodie he is.And my,my ,!!! i wud give an arm just to see that confused look on his face whenever i ask him to order whatever he wants.It is not what to order that confuses him but what not to order? He he so after enjoining his predicament fr five minutes I handed over the menu card to parth and he zeroed down to Paneer Pasanda and Khumb Awadhi. I insisted on plane naan cos i had been neglecting my workout a lot fr these past few days. After a hearty meal as I was about to leave i got a call from a very dear freind from lucknow who was having some serious trouble with some not so nice people on matters of land and property. That got me really worried about his safety.All the while on our way back home i my thoughts could not stray away from him .
Next morning his call woke me up and he told me that shit has really struck the fan .There were some real criminal getting involved. I told him nt to worry and promised him to do whatever i cud . I called up a close contact who is a close realative of a minister who holds a very hefty position in the ruling government.After impressing upon him the gravity of the situation and getting his reassurance I was relieved.
Now since boogie and parth already had their studies i thought of walking down the memmory lane of my days spent in doon . Leaving my car at Rohans for servicing i took parth's DTSI bike and started fr those long frgotten places alone. Einstein once said "There are only two ways to live life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is".Today i was willing to use the latter as my glasses.First and foremost i stepped on the gas to my way to 'Clement town'. It was here under the Buddha satue that some very relaxing evenings of my childhood had spent. Then i turned my bike and started fr the other extreme of the city,towards Mussourie road.It was nice riding a bike after a long time.I remembered gunning my double silencer 350 cc massive engine,a pickup of 5 ...my YAMAHA 350 which a few years back was my companion on these roads. After crossing Rajpur Road my heart started sinking by a fractions . I remembered how on this road i used to frequent with my pals . I dont think those days will ever come not because we dont have free time , but cos we seldome have free time together. So I picked up the beaten path of Old Mussourie Road which is nowa days seldome frequented cos of the New Mussourie Road. I went straightaway to the site where our new cottage was coming up. There under a Bouganvillia bough,I sat and stared away my time watching lovely green hillocks facing me, hearing the russle of the leaves, in silence .....hours passed by and i realised that this interview with myself had taken quite a long time. I began riding down the hill with the silent promise to these abandoned road .....to visit it again soon ....cos somehow i felt it missed me exactly like i missed it ........

Madhur Uniyal

BAHARRUKH

It was 6.30 in the evening and i was walking on the streets of jaipur with a rucksack of not less than 15-20 kgs. It was not the physical stress that was hurting me . I was just walking after gruelling 9 hours straight out of my u.s.m.l.e. exam. Now I had to find an occupation to pass my time since I had my train scheduled at 11.45 in the night.
I heaved a big sigh when i saw Big Mac infront of me. So with all my bag and baggage i squeezed my way in to Mc Donalds. I was not that hungry cos not less than a kilo of chocolates (which i hogged during the day) were keeping my glucose levels to max but i was craving for something salty. I ordered a Chicken Mc Grill combo and some fries and snatched all the newspapers from the counter. Aim was to find some happening movie at a nearby theatre. The best these papers had to offer was "Welcome to Sajjanpur". Ha Ha Ha I would have not even given it a second thought if Shyam Benegal mentioned under director wud've not caught my eyes. Since i had a lot of time to kill i thought what the heck and with coke and fries in my hand and my massive rucksack on my back I ushered myself towards the movie theatre which to my amazement was at a stonethrow.
Took a ticket and stepped in . The movie had already started but since i was there just to rest my spine on some soft foam so din bother about the missed part. At least that was my idea untill the guard stopped me . "Sir bag khol ke dikhana padega"....."Dekh le bhai , bomb maine bag ke sabse nichey chupaya hai" .He gave me that stirred look. I smiled ; he smiled back but that did not prevent him from rummaging through my bag . Out came my chicago bulls cap, my mufti shirt , followed by my jeans and when he hit my tommy hilfiger u.g. i gave him that look and said "Bhai ab dog squad bhi bula lo, ek do pen bhi padey hain ,khol lo kahin ink ki jagah t.n.t. na ho?". "Arrey sir aap toh naraz ho rahey hain"guard said and shoved all my belongings back in to my bag.I instantly knew it was not my day . So with my backpack i entered hall and found a place with an empty seat by the side fr my bag.With my evening strting like that how on earth the movie was going to be fine. Movie was the crappiest shit Benegal had ever managed.And even more irritating than the movie was a weird guy sitting just behind me ;who was in i dont know what kind of euphoria that he would laugh the loudest hollow laughter even at somebody falling from bicycle. I needed the seat but I cud not tolerate the man. So the next time he strted his hollow laughter i retorted by laughing hysterically and louder than him.I did it again and again whenever he even opened his mouth for as much as a yawn. That did quite him .Looking at me he could not muster enough courage to show his displeasure in words cos he somehow got the msg that he wouldve been beaten in to a pulp if he tried that . So hardly 15 ..20 minutes were by and that was it ......my threshold for pathetic sajjanpur. Picked up my backpack and hit the road to railway station.
As i was asking for directions from his uncle type person on a scooter he offered me a ride, which i gladly accepted. He dropped me few hundered yards from the railway station where i spotted a dhaba and my desire to have some real indian food strted urging my insides. I hit towards the dhaba and went straight in . It was even not fit to be called a dhaba. Call it a cross between a dhaba and 'chai ki gumti'.So i heaved my back pack on that long bench."Saab dilli se aye hain?"the dhaba wallah asked ."kyun bhai main kis angle se dilli wala lagta hoon?"( I dont like delhi guys for their shallowness and superficiality so the comparison kinda irked me). "khaney mein kya hai"? " Saab 20 rupye diet. dal chawal roti sabkuch with salad" . The bottomground price made me rethink on my descision wheteher my stomach wud have to bear the toll later. but i thought since when maddy did u strt getting so delicate. " phir laga dey garma garam" i said . Splashed my face with a mug of water .I dont know whether it was my hunger or the delicacy of the food i ended up giving him a 10 rupee more after i had done with. Then sitting on the same bench i tried focussing on the sound of music coming from his ancient taperecorder. Incidently it was playing my favorite song" baawra mann dekhne chala ek sapna....."listening to it i was lost in the variety of activities going around me. As if at night also everything was alive.Poverty is vocal but Richness is often a mute. I remembered my onward journey to Jaipur in ac. Everybody was so aloof and isolated behind their respective curtains. It suddenly occured to me that i did no more want to travel in a.c. on this return journey . I'll travel sleeper class instaed, travelling with life at a more basic level. So i rushed inside the railway station and got my ac ticket cancelled and gt one in waiting in sleeper class. soon the train was on station and after talking to t.t. i hit a loer birth and i dunno when i was in deepest of slumber.
I was woken up in the morning as usual with my feets brushing against some early risers passing through the aisle.Indian railways i guess is still confident that Indian genes have not improved enough to produce human frames of 6 feets. Anyways it was a sunny morning .I arched up my neck to look out of the window. I could see a small but busy station. Some stacks of dunlop tyres at a corner, few ppl in dhoti walking with large potleys on their head ,and a banana vendor shouting ..."kaileey ,kaileey kaileeyyyyy.....". sleeper was definitely more fun than A.C.After a few momnets of tug and war of whether i shud get up or not i decided in the favour of the former.Got up and after freshning up my eyes strted searching fr some coffee wallah. Ah soon he was there. It was then when i heard Baharrukh .

Baharrukh was a 'he' cum 'she', a eunuch or hijrah..as u wud call her locally. Her charecterstic claps preceeded her so it gave all my fellow travellers ample time to hold on to their purses and dhotis.I smiled to myself and ordered an extra coffee. As soon this about 30yish slim figure wrapped in gaudy cheap yellow entered the compartment I knew I was going to be the victim. "Aye haye mere rajja ,kitna modeler sa lag raha hai (god knows wat she meant by modeler)meri jaan tujhse purey 50 loongi". I smiled "Ja tehal ke aa tere liye coffee order ki hai , laut ke aa jaldi thandi ho jayegi".She gave me that confused look and went back to other seats. After not more than a minute she was back."Bata mere rajja kya dikahun tujhey?" Baharrukh asked in the most seductive tone she could muster. I gave a hearty laugh right from the bottom of my lungs."Dikhana hai to thodi tameez dikha aur yahan aa baith mere paas, teri cofee thandi ho rahi hai ".I think i mustve scared her more than she cud've scared other people cos she obeyed me like an obedient child and came to sit besides me."Rajja tu toh bilkul herohiralall hai". I faked a frown "Ab tuney tarif ke liye muh khola toh jitney jama kiye hain paisey tuney woh bhhi cheen loonga". She sniggered."kahan ki hai tu?" I asked ."Pari hoon main , Jannat se ayi hoon". ha ha i laughed ,"sun nautanki band kar aur dhang se bol jaisey apney bhai se baat kar rahi ho" I faked displeasure again. I dont know whether it was my displeasure or the use of word bhai that turned her in to this very original and serious person.Sipping coffee she looked at me as if i was a display in some art gallery. "kahan se hai ab bata ?""Baharrukh hai mera naam ,Bareilly se hoon"..she answered . "To yahan kya kar rahi hai ?" I asked. "Padhey likhey lagtey ho lallla phir bhi aisa sawaal ?" She retorted very philosophically. I realised the foolishness in my question so to cover it up i asked "Mera matlab wahin ke aas paas kyaon nahi karti yeh kaam ?". "Wah lallla abhi bola tuney bhai samajh ke baat kar, par itna asaan samajhtey ho isey lallla.Mera bhi ek bhai hai 'Nankau' aur 3 behaney.Bahut pyar kaarti huun unsey. isiliye wahan nahin rehti , ki woh sir utha ke ji sakey.Tears swelled up in her mascara loaded eyes.I felt foolish again . "kisney kaha tu kum hai , aajkal teri biradari waley dekh election jeet rahey hain"." Lallla woh isliye kyun ki saarey neta hum jaisey ho gaye hain.....Warna jindagi ka election to hum kab sey haar gaye hain....", she heaved a deep sigh. I dont know why she was opening up infront of me like that . Maybe cos we so called normal ppl have never seen them as persons."Achcha ab chup ho ja warna baki sab samjhenge ki mainey tere saath kuch kar diya hai".I laughed tried to cheer her up". Clapping in her unique way towards the other fellow passengers she said " Lallla ek bat bataun tujhey apna samajh key.In sabki kabhi mat sochiyo. Yeh sab paidaishi darshak hain .Sirf tamasha dekhne ke alawa kuch nahin jaantey hain. Tu apney dil ki kario lallla". I smiled at her wondering how lots did she teach me in those few words. "Achcha mainey tera bahut time khoti kiya . le 20 rupye ab ja".I took a crumpled 20 rupee note out of my pocket and placed it on her hand .She gave me that peircing stare. It was such deep a look that i was frozen up for a second. "Wah lalla Behan boltey ho aur neecha bhi dikhatey ho", she took out a crisp 50 rupee note from her blouse and adding them to my 20 rupee note pressed them hard on my palm and said "lallla dekh mana na karna.Teri badi behan ne diya hai apney chotey bhai ko. Nahin lega to samajhungi ki tu bhi mujhey waisey hi dekhta hai jaisey sab dekhtey hain...aur lallla kabhi badaliyo mat , yeh jo insaan tere andar hai na , isey jinda rakhiyo , main tere liye dua mangungi" .....she stood up laughing in her original seducting tone ..."aakhir baharrukh ka bhai hai , bada toh banega hi ......chal oye seth jagah de" .....she made her way cornering another traveller. I was mesmerised ....... frozen..... , just satring at my open palms , thinking how pale my 20 rupee note looked besides her crisp 50 rupee note........"

Madhur Uniyal ( It is not a story i fabricated.Every word of it is true)

ANATOMY OF LOVE..... ( HOW DO I FEEL VERSION )...

Now comes 'How do i feel version". Love to me means "giving". Love can never be demanding . if u love someone and u expect them to love you back ...it is a BARGAIN , certainly not LOVE.
ALTRUISM is the very root of love. you can not demand in love , neither can u complain if your feelings are not reciprocated. You can just love.... and love for the sake of only and only one thing .....LOVE. I know when a person is in love he/she wants to spend the lifetime with his beloved . Yes this feeling is always there, it does not mean you love less.But even when you are sure that you will never get to live with that person or even just talk to him fr that reason and even then u happily want to spend your lifetime loving that person ....that is love.
A couple of years back i saw this hindi movie ROG ( Irfaan khan was the main lead) which very beautifully portrayed love. I dont think many ppl understood the gravity in it but somehow i feel i could identify with the writer. The movie is based upon a murder investigation in which a model goes missing. Irfaan khan ( a cop) falls in love with this missing girl who he takes for dead , in love with her pics.....and when he eventually meets her he tells her flat " you are not the one i love , i love the one in these pictures".
Ah!!! that is what love is for me.....loving somebody with all you have and when i say all , i mean with every cell , every drop of your soul.....and not demanding a dime ,and if u may ....demand all the pains, all the agony of your beloved. That can be your only reward. LOVE for the sake of love , live for the sake of this most divine bliss.... it is anytime better to love and to loose than not to love at all.....

MADHUR UNIYAL

ANATOMY OF " LOVE "....( HOW I THINK IT IS VERSION )

Today i feel like dissecting all the petals of life with tools of reason and faith. So let me begin with the most talked, hyped and cherished feeling.....(love).Before i begin, i specify that it is only about what Adam had for Eve, not what krishna had for Yashoda. It will come in my next few posts but for writing that i will have to ascend to a different frequency altogether.So now i talk of love of a man for a woman or otherwise.
We humans are a strange race.not strange because of our "id" but because of our superego.Here i shamelessly admit that i have two versions ....one one of how i think it is and another one that how i feel it is and should be. And i am afraid both are not very much same .So it is kinda paradox in itself . but be it any version the best thing is "IT PROVIDES WITH ANSWERS"

" LOVE" is very easy to fall in . But hardly do we realise that there are milllions in this world who have went through this same experience and some simultaneously still are.but since we percieve it to be so personal , so divine that for a moment it seems that it is only us that who has been in love. Have u ever considered that love which we feel today is not the product of that one moment ? The fact that "love at first sight " is actually a produce of thousands years of evolution.
Years ago man was the hunter , the food gatherer,the physically strong and outgoing in the family ......while a woman was mostly down with pregnancy in her best years (Alas the abscence of contraception and womans lib).So she had but no choiice to assume the role of the home maker . And since the very basis of our humankind is "symbiosis",, man brought food and woman nurtured the family.made home an attractive place where a man would love to come at the end of the day.
Well now lemme explain where all this is leading to ......."A woman is more faithfull than man"(can be interprted as a "Woman loves more than a man"). Since man was a the foodgatherer ,the hunter, the pleasure he derived from hunting/conquering got encrypted in to his genes. So while woman had only a few eggs in store and was dependent on her man she had not much choice but to be monogamous(or the tendency to it ),while the man who had millions of seeds to scatter throughout the globe and fr whom hunting was one of his basic instincts; was and till date is by nature polygamous. I dont say this as a m.c.p. or as an applause but as a fact.
So if we talk about making a choice in falling in love or rising in it . I think that will be like just being the part of the virtual world (remember MATRIX ?).
So what is it actually that makes us fall in love ??? looks ? that one ryt act at the ryt time( time wen u were available and ready fr it)? nature of the persion ? power ?wealth ?or that "je ne sas quoi"? that cosmic magic????
Well now i see a lots of eyebrows shooting up. but trust me folks u can not choose amongst these . It is a potpourrie of all these in strange proportions. and now pls dont be stupid and say "i dont care about the looks , the money, the power... blah blah blah . OF COURSE YOU DO. Well if u had a choice how wud u want ur lover to be ......with theses or without these ?? Dnt answer me.... answer urself.
And lastly what i feel "keeps love alive and rise" is not the unision in it but rather defeciency. there is no 'happily everafter'. just think of all the great love stories of the world...(some wonderfull ppl fall in love and they die in the end while still yearning fr their beloved. Thus STILL RISING IN LOVE.
Take laila majnoo ,romeo juliet , heer ranjha , shiri farhad ...those are the ones i can recall here fr the time being (ya ya ya there was a certain jack ,a tom , a dick and harry whos story was different) But get the basic idea mates.I am sure if these ppl had really been united and a follow up was done after a few years we wud be seeing Majnu flirting outside and Ranjha eyeing his next door pretty lass.so it seems that YOU HAVE TO LOOSE IN LOVE(or the illusion of it) TO RISE IN LOVE......

MADHUR UNIYAL

p.s. this was my 'wat i think it is' version. my 'what i feel 'version is due in the next post.